It’s been a rough one. A beautiful one. One filled with love, heartbreak, longing, feeling lost, feeling found, moments of confusion and great revelations.
I’m at Starbucks. It’s raining outside which is super rare in LA, but I decided to come here because I need to be surrounded by life. Headphones are on right now and I have tears streaming down my face. Listening to Anna Nalick’s ‘Breathe (2am)’ right now and it’s bringing me back to 2006. Finding myself. Figuring it all out. Sharing about it on Myspace. I couldn’t contain the journey. It was during this time that I met my now fiance, John
I’m currently in the midst of writing my book which is all about my journey to self-love and no matter how hard it’s been, joy rises from within me. I’m in love. I searched for it for so long and while I would love to be sharing with you right now about John, I am in love with me.
No matter how hard things get and how many times I doubt myself and worry if I’ll ever be the person I was sent here to be, I freaking am head over heels in love with me and even in love with the tough-ass journey I’ve been on to get here.
Nothing is perfect. Not even close to it. On paper, I’m still figuring out how to hustle to pay bills each month, I still deal occasionally with food issues, John and I bicker like we’v been married for 50 years and I still look at my career and wonder if I’m doing enough. And just recently I spoke openly about how I feel like I’ve lost my joy.
But in the midst of all of that, my life is one beautiful and imperfect mess. My soul feels solid, stable and grounded. My heart feels full and light. My body is as strong as it currently is and that is all I can ask for.
And in case I haven’t mentioned it, I’m sipping my extra hot latte watching the rain fall and I am so unbelievably grateful for this moment. Nothing else matters.
Me, my coffee, Anna Nalick, the rain, my tears and my full heart.
Things change from moment to moment and for this one, this moment right now, I’m filled. This is life. My life. And I love the girl that is living it.
Oh, and to kick it up a notch, I have some kick-ass red nails that I just got done and they make me feel super sexy.