That’s what I do. It’s in my blood. I honestly know no other way. Even when I make a conscious effort to zip my lip, it still has a motor of its own. Do I listen? Absolutely! In between me talking.
When I was in the 2nd grade, my mother had come home from a parent-teacher conference and informed me that my teacher had informed her that I was a “very intelligent young lady, but that Shari is a motor mouth.” Looking back now, it is safe to say that my teacher had me pegged at an early age and I have remained consistently yapping ever since.
Harness It, Girl!
So, I took what I loved doing and I formed a career out of it. I became an actress, Motivational Speaker and Self-Love Coach. When I’ve given myself a headache or more often than not, others have left the room, I write and am now a best-selling author. I’ve pretty much taken over every medium that I could that would allow me to yap.
Nature or Nurture?
Let me go back a bit so you understand where this stems from. At least what I’ve self-diagnosed after some self-analyzation, which basically means twenty-five years of watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. I grew up with an older sister who had trouble with my parents divorce. She somehow thought that it was her fault because she would wake them up at night to ask for cheese and water. I was too young to remember any of this, but I did get the after effects of the divorce. I got the having to choose sides effect, I got the which parent do you spend a holiday with effect, and I got the angry and unhappy sister effect, which in turn, required a lot of my parents attention and so that meant that I had to fight for attention. It was nobody’s fault, really. Everyone tried their best, but somehow, I believed I was left on the sidelines while they were all trying to figure out how to get my sister to cope with what was happening. I soon found out, however, that if I put myself in the spotlight, there was no way to be ignored and so the actress was born. I dove right into the drama program, all throughout my school years, and even went on to major in it in college.
If I Can Make It There…
I moved to New York City right after graduation to pursue my “theater career.” But, it seemed I pursued bars and men a lot more than I did that “career.” What can I say, I was in my twenties and that sounded a lot more appealing than anything else at the time. Plus, I had spent my years in college committed to my high school sweetheart and so I didn’t partake in the usual underage drinking and partying then. I spent the majority of those precious years on the phone telling him how much I missed him. We got engaged my sophomore year and shortly thereafter, I found out he wasn’t exactly missing me as much I thought or if he was, he was nurturing his sad heart in the arms of another woman. Needless to say, I spent the last two years of college heartbroken and then after graduation, moved to NYC broken heart in tow and looking for a whole lotta things to fill up what seemed like a whole lotta holes. After about 3 years in the city, I decided that I had enough of self-medicating and thought Los Angeles would be a great idea for a fresh start and to pursue what I had really always wanted – a television and film career. So, I packed up my car, drove cross country and began a fresh new start in a fresh new city doing the same ol’ things I did in the last city. Yup. Partying and men. Only this time, I had a brand new body thanks to some weight loss surgery and so a whole new world of dating opened up to me! This was going to be fun!
You see, I hadn’t really figured out that I was avoiding what I knew I was supposed to be paying attention to. Me. It wasn’t until one random day on my way to work when I started having these flashbacks. I had never forgotten what had happened to me at 7 years old, but I did forget the feeling of what it was like to have a strange, old man touching you in places that he shouldn’t have been. I was shocked that this was all coming up again because honestly, I thought that I had dealt with it. I thought that by locking up the guy in jail that I had also locked up the memories right along with him. The truth is, the only thing that I had done was push it further and further down and the men, the partying, and the food were all just ways to numb myself from truly thinking about it.
Follow The Light!
On that particularly awful day, right in that particularly awful moment, I remember right in the midst of my fear, also knowing that I would be okay. I remember knowing that I just had to endure what was happening for my own safety, but that I would get through it and somehow, this would all be okay. I don’t know where that came from. I can’t even really explain it anything more than that, but what I was so keenly aware of, was this feeling it gave me. This light and warmth that just was there. Just hanging out. Always had been. It had set up a nice, cushy spot for itself within my soul and was there just having a cup of tea. Once I became aware of this light, I also became aware that it hadn’t once abandoned me and still hasn’t. I might have ignored it at times, even done things to try to block its shine, but it has never, ever gone out. It is something that is such a huge blessing in my life, but also what kept me teetering on the edge of cliffs many times in my life. I would not only walk to the edge, but I would dangle one foot over it, balancing myself on just the other. I was testing myself. Always knowing that whatever choices I made, even unhealthy ones, that I wouldn’t get lost in them because I always had this light that would lead me out of it. As I’ve gotten older and like to think a bit wiser, I still enjoy standing on the cliff and checking out the magnificent scenery; I no longer feel the need to teeter on that edge. I can actually see and experience life just fine from where I am. If I feel the need for adventure, I can just go do something that challenges me or fills my soul. I don’t need to risk my heart in order to be reminded that I have this light.
The Road Back To Me
So, how the hell did I find my way out of this cycle? I woke up one day tired of being tired. Tired of feeling badly. Tired of feeling hopeless. Tired of experiencing the same situations over and over again just dressed up in different clothing and disguised as different people. I was exhausted. I knew I knew better and I was honestly tired of knowing that “I knew better.” So I stopped talking about how I knew better and I just started doing better. One of my best friends asked me what kind of woman I saw myself as and when I responded, he simply said, “Then be that woman, Shari.” He doesn’t even realize how profound that was for me and how that ultimately took everything that I “knew” and gave me permission to put it into action. I just started doing things and acting as that woman I envisioned would act. Before I knew it, I was weeding out the negative and I was filling my soul with things that felt good. I surrounded myself with people who inspired me, with things that made me smile, and I started rebuilding my spirit back up. And of course there were hiccups in between. We can’t grow without these. It’s the “stuff” that has been buried that we avoid most of our lives. It’s the “stuff” that causes the anxiety because it simply wants to emerge. It’s the “stuff” that once we allow ourselves to feel it, we can then begin to heal it. Needless to say, this time period of my life was filled with lots of crying, but also with whole lot of healing. A whole lot of soul lifting moments because I was lifting weights off my soul. My soul began feeling free.
Throughout this time of finding myself, I ended up falling in love. Imagine that! Not only am I releasing all of this hurt, but as a bonus, I found a lifelong partner who I simply adored! ME. When I discovered my magic, I was then able to fully allow myself to shine because I didn’t want to be selfish with what I discovered. I have been given this beautiful gift and I can’t even imagine hoarding it. Plus, that talker is still in me (although a more refined one) and so I couldn’t shut up about everything I was feeling and all the lessons I had been learning. I wanted to stand from mountaintops and scream to the world that I was FREEEEEEE! (On a side note, I think there actually are some mountaintops I did scream that from. Don’t judge.) So I have been screaming it. I’ve been yelling it in videos, on stages, articles & blogs, in my book, to friends, on social media – everywhere and anywhere people will listen.
It is my mission to rebuild spirits, reignite lights that feel dimmed, and rejuvenate souls. It is my passion and I can’t imagine a life where I don’t share this message.
Life Is Perfect! Right?
Ha! Do I stumble some days? Of course! But I have learned that it’s just a stumble and I just get my butt back up and try again. I can’t imagine going through this life without giving it my all. I can’t imagine spending one moment on this planet sitting on those sidelines again. I am suited up, I am prepared, and I am in the game! When my time is up, I want to slide in at home plate declaring, “MAN, WHAT A RIDE!”
I no longer pursue acting (although it will always be in my blood) because I realized that I make a lot better ME than I do playing a character. But that training throughout my life gave me the confidence to be able to stand on stages and share my message. It has given me the confidence and charisma to know that one day I will have my own television show where I can use my gifts to transform lives. It has been a constant reminder to have fun in my life, to be creative, to be silly, and most of all, to let that light of mine shine!
I authored my first book, “The Little Book of SOUL HUGS”, which was a collection of those thoughts I was screaming from the mountaintops and bound it together to be a guide, a personal pocket-sized cheerleader to help others find their light and jump into the game. After a life-changing three month solo adventure to Italy in the summer of 2013, I began writing my next book which became an international best seller, Love Yourself Happy: A Journey Back to You.
I am a International Motivational Speaker (Joy Magnet), which honestly, I’ve always been one to someone in my life, but now I just do it on stage in front of larger audiences.
I am a Self-Love Coach. I have the awesome opportunity to help you discover your own brilliant light by accepting, embracing and loving your YOU.
My secret dream (although not so secret anymore) is to travel the United States in an RV, sharing my message. Stopping in cities and meeting those who need a pick-me-up all the while documenting my travels. Sharing the beautiful people in the world and how it’s possible for even the most hurt heart to rebuild, transform, and then use their lives to change the lives of others.
My grandfather used to tell me that I lived with my head in the clouds and it’s something that I will never stop doing. I dream big and I won’t give up until I’m standing right in the midst of each and every dream come true.
Who Knew It Could Be This Beautiful!
I sometimes step back and look at where I’ve been and where I am standing right now and I can’t believe that life really can feel like this. I just want every hurting heart and every searching soul to know that it is possible to take the cards you’ve been dealt and create your own winning hand!
And this is where I stand – Right here and right now.
A talker. A believer. A dreamer. A teacher A student. A lover of life. A lover of ME.